Last Updated: March 27, 2026
Advice from Elderly Care Home Residents
Confidence isn’t something we’re born with. It’s something we build. Over time, through experience, through getting things wrong and trying again. And who better to offer advice than people who’ve already lived through so much? As people grow older, self-confidence can change, and many older adults experience challenges such as cognitive decline, which can impact their confidence. Changes in our bodies as we age can also affect self-esteem and confidence. Growing older brings unique experiences and challenges to self-confidence that are important to understand and address. Many older adults struggle with these changes, but there are ways to overcome them.
We spoke with care home residents across the UK during spring 2025. Their stories are full of warmth, humour and perspective. Alongside their reflections, we’ve included expert insights from UK-based psychologists and wellbeing professionals.
Whether you’re trying to feel more confident yourself or supporting a parent or loved one, we should all follow this advice, no matter your age. Building self-confidence can have a positive impact on the lives of older adults, enabling them to improve relationships, achieve personal goals, and experience greater fulfilment.
1. “Honestly? No one’s really looking.”
Dorothy, 89, Manchester
“I used to sit on the sidelines, terrified of what people thought. Meanwhile, they were too busy fretting about their own insecurities to notice my two left feet. You get to a point where you realise: nobody’s paying as much attention as you think.”
Dr Emily Roberts, Clinical Psychologist at Mind UK: “It’s a common thinking trap. One way to overcome self-consciousness is to challenge negative thoughts—an example would be reminding yourself that others are likely focused on their own concerns. These traps can make us believe we are being judged more harshly than we really are. We overestimate how much others notice or judge us. In truth, most people are caught up in their own world.”
2. “Hesitation stole my best year.”
Brian, 82, Newcastle
“I fancied Vera for ages. Spent a whole year rehearsing what I’d say. She beat me to it. Just walked up and asked me out. That was 1967. We were married 48 years. Sometimes you’ve got to leap before you feel ready.”
Dr Mark Hughes, Consultant Psychiatrist, Mental Health Foundation: “Taking action, even small steps, often shifts self-doubt faster than overthinking ever will.” For older adults, taking action can help boost their self-esteem and sense of empowerment. Breaking challenges into manageable steps can help build confidence over time. Try to focus on progress rather than perfection.
3. “You don’t have to be brilliant. Just joyful.”
Edith, 95, Brighton
“I was no prodigy. But I picked up painting at 70 and found a kind of freedom in it. Taking up a new hobby can be a wonderful source of joy and confidence. Engaging in new activities can help older adults discover new skills and boost their confidence. Not everything has to impress. Some things just have to make you glow a bit inside.”
Rebecca Taylor, Well-being Coach, Brighton & Hove: “Doing something we enjoy triggers a chemical lift. Engaging in hobbies, whether art, reading, or other pursuits, can support personal growth and confidence. That joy feeds confidence over time.”
4. “We’re all winging it.”
Frank, 85, Birmingham
“I thought grown-ups knew what they were doing. Then I became one and realised it’s mostly winging it. Once you see that, the pressure lifts. Life’s more Carry On than Downton Abbey.”
Dr Hannah Patel, Therapist (BACP): “Recognising shared uncertainty can be grounding and empowering.” Even those who seem confident may be struggling with self-doubt. Facing challenges together can help build resilience and confidence.
5. “Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.”
Margaret, 92, Edinburgh
“The things I used to say to myself I wouldn’t say to a stranger! I started treating myself like a friend. Bit of cheerleading, a bit of forgiveness. Changed everything.”
Dr Lucy Kerr, Clinical Psychologist: “Self-compassion isn’t indulgence. It’s foundational for healthy self-esteem. Practicing self-compassion is especially important when you are feeling bad about yourself, as it helps you respond with kindness rather than criticism. Practicing self-compassion can help counteract negative thoughts that undermine confidence.”
6. “New things keep the lights on.”
Harry, 90, Liverpool
“Got a smartphone at 85. Nearly launched it across the room. But every little thing I mastered gave me a buzz. Small wins stack up.”
Prof. Sarah Davies, Psychology, University of Liverpool: “Learning keeps the brain nimble and shows us we’re capable, no matter our age.” Developing new skills or building on existing skills can boost confidence and provide a sense of accomplishment. Setting small goals makes progress more manageable and rewarding, helping to maintain motivation and build confidence in a step-by-step manner.
7. “Don’t vanish. Call someone.”
Alice, 87, Oxford
“I spent a whole winter not seeing anyone. Told myself I was fine. I wasn’t. One cuppa with a friend turned everything around. Spending time with friends and engaging in social interaction can really lift feelings of loneliness and help you feel connected. Spending time with both old and new friends can provide fresh perspectives, boost your mood, and help you build meaningful social connections. We’re not built to be alone.”
Dr Kate Sinclair, Age UK: “Human connection isn’t just nice. It’s vital for confidence and emotional health. Social connections and talking with others help older adults process their feelings and maintain well-being.”
8. “Asking for help isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.”
George, 83, Cardiff
“Tried to assemble a wardrobe solo. Took two days and a bruised ego. Asked my neighbour eventually. We had a laugh. Pride’s no good if you’re stuck.”
Tom Lewis, Mind Cymru: “Reaching out is a strength. It shows self-awareness and trust. Encouragement from others can make it easier to ask for help and build confidence. Support from family and loved ones can make a big difference when seeking help.”
9. “Wiggle a bit every day.”
Beryl, 91, Norwich
“I dance while boiling the kettle. Bit of a shuffle, nothing dramatic. Gets my blood moving and puts a smile on my face. Motion changes emotion. Regular exercise and staying active, even through simple exercises, can support physical health and help manage stress and anxiety.”
Dr Emma White, NHS GP: “Physical movement, even gentle, uplifts mood and sharpens confidence. Taking care of your body through exercise is important for overall well-being. Even those with limited mobility can find ways to stay active, which helps boost confidence and maintain social connection.”
10. “Be gloriously, unapologetically you.”
Stanley, 88, Glasgow
“I’ve got a laugh like a donkey and wear neon socks. Used to feel silly about it. Now? They’re my signature. The world’s better with quirks. Embracing my quirks gives me a real sense of confidence, and it feels great to be unapologetically myself.”
Dr Isla Robertson, Clinical Psychologist, Scotland: “Embracing what makes us different helps build lasting self-worth.” This can also contribute to high self-esteem in later life.
Everyday Ways to Build Confidence
Here are some practical ways to boost confidence and overall well-being in daily life:
- Keep a journal of small wins and moments you’re proud of
- Make time to speak to someone you trust each week
- Move a little every day, even if it’s just stretching or walking to music
- Learn something new, no matter how small
- Be kind to yourself when things don’t go to plan
- Set small, achievable goals and break tasks into manageable steps to experience the benefits of accomplishment and boost self-confidence.
- Practice self-care by maintaining good hygiene, taking time to rest, and doing things that make you feel good to boost your self-confidence.
- Join a book club to stay socially engaged, share interests, and build confidence through meaningful connections.
- Consider home care services for older people who need support to maintain independence, safety, and confidence in their own homes.
- Focus on your strengths and positive qualities, rather than weaknesses, to build self-confidence and motivation.
Taking these actions can help foster a more positive outlook, boost confidence, and improve your overall well-being and quality of life.
Low self-esteem (low self) can significantly affect older people, leading to social withdrawal, negative thoughts, and reduced self-care. Addressing low self-esteem through engaging activities, supportive relationships, and self-compassion can help improve confidence, mental health, and overall well-being.
Common Questions
What causes low confidence in older adults?
Many factors can contribute, including health changes, reduced mobility, retirement, or feeling disconnected. Negative self-talk is often a significant factor, so Margaret’s advice on being kinder to yourself is so important. Low self-esteem can lead to persistent negative thought patterns and social withdrawal, making it more challenging for seniors to stay engaged and maintain their overall well-being.
How can I help my parent feel more confident?
Encourage them to try something new, stay connected with others, and celebrate even the smallest progress. These actions can help boost their self-esteem and confidence, providing emotional support and personal empowerment. Let them lead the way, and never make asking for help feel like a failure.
Do group activities really help?
Yes, they can. Alice’s story says it all: socialising, even in small ways, boosts mood and helps people feel valued and part of a community. Group activities can also strengthen bonds with loved ones, offering meaningful opportunities to connect and support one another.
A Final Thought
Confidence doesn’t arrive all at once. It builds slowly through moments of courage, small successes, and choosing to be kind to ourselves. If you’re supporting someone on that journey or walking it yourself, know you’re not alone. And remember, it’s never too late to feel more like yourself again.
