Six ways to support loved ones moving into care

Last Updated: April 5, 2023

The prospect of a loved one moving into a care home is always going to be difficult to face and can be a stressful time for the person moving and the wider family.

To mark Stress Awareness Month in April, Dakota Murphey explores some of the common fears of moving into care and how to alleviate them.

Although the transition into a care home is not quite the same as moving house or downsizing after a bereavement (which can be stressful in their own right), moving a loved one into a care setting presents its fair share of unique challenges. Not only will they be moving into a new environment, but their lifestyle and habits will likely change too, which can be difficult to accept and embrace.

This dilemma is nothing new to thousands of people across the UK, with around 430,000 people currently living in care homes in the UK, as of 2022, as well as the omnipresent cost-of-living crisis which is causing additional stress for millions. It goes without saying that in times like these, whether your loved one’s transition to a care home is voluntary or compulsory, support is crucial.

If you’re one of the thousands of families in this situation, where your loved one is on the brink of moving into a residential care facility, there are some incredibly helpful tips and steps you can take to make that transition easier and less strenuous, physically and mentally.

Common fears of moving into care

It’s important to remember, first and foremost, that moving into a care home can be a difficult change for your loved one. If they have the capacity, they may begin to experience these kinds of emotions, which can make the transition more difficult:

• Anxiety and stress.
• Depression.
• Loneliness.
• Fear of losing touch with relatives.
• The inability to settle in comfortably.
• Loss of independence.
• Health and wellbeing concerns.
• Finance worries.
• Frustration at being a ‘burden’ or reliant on others.

From the list above, it is important to signpost loved ones to find the help they need and the right way to tackle any issues that might be adding to or causing extra stress. For some, it might be the financial burden of knowing how to meet care home costs, or whether there is any financial help available and where to find such advice. Reading websites of organisations like Care Choices and Age UK can prove helpful as can speaking to someone at the Alzheimer’s Society who have up-to-date knowledge on paying for care.

You might need to think about applying for Power of Attorney to organise the wealth and health affairs on behalf of your loved one. Everybody is different. In some cases, care homes are the only option if somebody loses the independent capacity to make informed decisions, or if they have illnesses that require 24/7 care. It depends on each family’s unique circumstances – sometimes care home moves are temporary, while for others, it may be the last place they live before coming to the end of their lives.

By the same token, loved ones might actually welcome some benefits that will come from the prospect of moving into care. If, for example, their property has begun to become too overwhelming for them, they are less mobile or if the house has succumbed to structural issues or problems like mould that can affect their health. Sometimes, these issues present themselves at a time when it makes sense to consider a move somewhere that will take less of an emotional and physical toll on somebody. This can be preferable to some instead of arranging live-in care or making large-scale adaptations to their home.

However, if you are preparing to face the challenges of the initial conversation with a loved one or are in the process of helping them gradually move, they must remember you are there as a supportive shoulder to cry on if needed.

Six tips for supporting your loved one’s care home move

Here are six vital ways you can outwardly show support, which will be a huge difference-maker for your loved one as they navigate this significant life change.

1.      Start the process early.

It’s easier to discuss a potential care home move if it’s hypothetical, without it feeling like an imminent obligation. Start the conversation before the care home becomes a necessity, and let the discussion naturally evolve from there. Accidents or emergencies can suddenly heighten the level of care needed, which may make the transition more challenging.

If your loved one has been diagnosed with dementia, you should communicate slowly and clearly with them while giving them plenty of time to respond.

2.      Arrange a respite visit if possible.

Respite stays are available at some care homes, providing loved ones with the opportunity to stay for a short while in residential care. This allows them to become familiar with the staff, facilities, and surroundings, to see whether they’d feel comfortable. You can arrange visits with multiple care homes to help you get a feel for different facilities and staff, and ask any questions.

3.      Establish a visiting and contact schedule.

It’s important that your loved one feels as though you and their friends and family are not far away, so you may benefit from setting up a contact schedule for phone or video calls and visits. The more regularly you can commit to being present for your loved one, the less lonely they will feel, and before long, they will begin to anticipate visits before they happen.

4.      Keep them involved.

Everyone wants to be able to retain some level of independence and freedom when it comes to their level and type of care. Regardless of your loved one’s age, they should feel involved in the process and feel in control of this decision. Your loved one may feel uneasy about the prospect of missing important family events, occasions and conversations, so it’s important to make sure they feel included and like an integral part of the family.

5.      Build a relationship with the care home.

It’s important to take enough time to speak to your loved one’s chosen care home about their preferences. Talk to the care staff about your loved one’s favourite music, food, television shows, hobbies, and things they can do to feel more ‘at home’. Familiarity goes a long way in helping them settle, particularly in the initial few weeks.

Make an effort to meet with and build a relationship with the care home manager(s) and staff. If the stay is likely to be long-term, this relationship can be reassuring and gives you increased confidence that issues can be resolved quickly and promptly.

It’s also important that you establish whether any personal belongings can be brought to the care home. Soft furnishings, ornaments, photos, and smaller possessions will be no issue, but it may be difficult to bring in furniture, so it’s worth establishing whether this is possible.

6.      Help them settle in.

The initial move will be strange, particularly after you finish packing and unpacking. But you can go a step further by helping them settle in. You could do a full care home tour and spend some additional valuable time with your loved one, to ensure they’re not left completely to their own devices straight away.

One of the most effective uses of this time is looking at the activities that they – or even you – can get involved in. Most care homes will offer plenty of things that include residents and their relatives, and showing an active interest will help your loved one feel less isolated.

Moving into a care home successfully is not easy, and there will likely be obstacles along the way. It will take time for your loved one to feel truly settled, but once they do, it can be a truly rewarding and reassuring experience for them. Your support will be invaluable to them at a time when they may be feeling stressed, sad, and worried, and following these tips will lessen the burden.

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